Fading

What is the most important thing in a person life? Could it be money? Or a person you love? Many people often focus on their life and forget what is important to them. For me, I lost that important thing in my life, a memory that I always want to remember seem to be slowly disappearing. Now the only thing I remember was the beautiful field. Full of nature, butterfly, rabbits, horses and birds fly freely around that field. The flower blooms, adding an extra sweet smell to the fresh air. And always there was this soft dancing music playing in the piano room, as a lady and her child dances swiftly around the room. It was a perfect scene, how I wish to relive it for one last time. But as time passes by, the wide field started to fade. Their face seems harder to remember. As I dreamed yesterday, an angel standing in front of me, he looks away in pain. Tears roll down from his eyes, slowly his spread his wings and it started to fade. Just like the memories I have, fading slowly. Leaving a small scar behind.

The Light

In the pitch black of darkness
Blue floating lights are seen
They flew slowly across the empty space
Wondering endlessly
They shine and shine
But never open themselves to any
Lonely in their world
They start to create their own fantasy
Soon a light shines from above
All hides away, avoiding it
But one stood there looking up into the light
Her blue flame glows even brighter
She burst into bright red flames
She is finally free
To the light she saw
With the warmth that she felt
Her cold black heart with thorns
Slowly dispelled
Finally she could look at the world
With her own pair of eyes
With the person she trust
Because the light she saw
Was the man of her dream.

Eagle

Living in the city world for too long, causes many affect on me. Many times I look at myself as a city girl, not knowing how to survive beyond the comfort zone. Every single little thing I was protect by my parents. What could I do for my own? That was what I thought. I am already at the age of 20 years old, still living with my parents and at times I still depend on them. My father has this habit of looking at me as if I am still his 3 year old daughter, young and inexperienced. Well, it is good for me because I could have anything I want. But the problem is that I feel I need to be more independent than looking at father for solution in everything.
Years ago I had a habit of always looking up in the sky whenever I sat in the car. No matter is long trip for short distance drive; I will always admire the clouds shapes and sizes naming them after item or animals. I remember one particular time; I saw a small figure bird circling around the sky. I took my camera zooming in to the maximum finding out it was an eagle. Its wings spread out wide gliding through the sky. Eagle is a symbol of strength and independent, they are sharp and fast. After that I took eagle as my symbol of hope in dreams and goals in life. A young eagle will soon have to learn to fly out from the nest and hunt its own food. And I am that eagle now, slowly flapping my wings, wanting to soar through the sky by my own.

Live by Love, die by Love

Long ago, the warriors on earth always have a saying. “We live by the sword, die by the sword.” They fight for their country, leaving no enemy behind, their goal is to kill and take over countries and land. Their brave soul walked the face of earth, walking into war with no fear but all with pride. Well…that is the olden days. But the funny thing about this quote is that it is still apply on human life today in this modern world, in a different category. And it is since under the category of love.

Love is a double edge sword, it can bring u protection and happiness, but at the same time it can bring you sadness and pains. Many people see love as a nuisance, a waste of time and energy. Thinking that love will only bring pain and misfortune to their life, having to endure the misery. Yet some people take love as a blessing, for maybe they are lucky in getting the right ones all the time. But don’t you all think that we live by love? Without love we feel pain, and with love we feel joy. Maybe the phrase need to be changed to “We live by Love, die by Love.” Not all the time, but most of the time. ^^

Missing Him @.@

Long time ago, I cut away my feelings for everyone. I left my feelings to fall in love behind. I know falling in love will cause me to lose focus on the things I need to concentrate on. In order to do that, I cut my ties with friends. Leaving nothing but emptiness in me, but recently I started to miss someone so much. I know I meet him every day, talking to him. Once the moment has past, and I am sitting alone on the bench outside of my house, I started to miss him badly. I thought he is just another friend I am close with. Someone who can understand the real me and accept it. But as time passes by, these feelings I once lock away, far far away into the darkness of my heart is surfacing like no one business. My goal and ego has cover my vision of love, the broken hearted scars and there reminding me the fear of being broken again. I am scared to honestly say, but I am not sure if I should give it a chance. For all I know now I am starting to miss him. Really missing him.

My Moment

Have you face the time when your mind is just blank? Where you want to think for ideas and work, but nothing comes out. Well, in basic life everyone does have this problem, and most of us find our own “Eureka” moments. For me there are ways to clear my mind from all negative thoughts and frustration. But sadly, the way I used to relax my mind, will always get one big hell of a scolding from parents. What else can I say? I just love standing under the rain. I still remember when I was in high school, few of us will run out into the rain and walk into class soaking wet. I just missed does times. But the sound of rain cools my head off, muffling all the sound surrounding me. TADA! I got my Eureka moment! Ideas start popping out of nowhere giving crazy and insane ideas. Well, it doesn’t rain everyday though. So the second way to get ideas is to just stand under the shower for a long period of time. I know I know, it is wasting water. Water bill will increase madly, and dad starts to scold and nag and stuff. But who cares! I just want my moment. I guess water just calms me down when I am mad. Music too but water still is the best. So what is your moment? Because I do know one of my friends moment is when he is in the toilet. HAHA..

Why...

If there is a chance
I would like to have you close to me
If there is a chance
I would want to stand as tall as you
Walk the same road you choose

But those chances are block
With the ego I have
The steps I want to take
Block the way between us
Making both of us chasing a dream

Why was I like this before?
With the feelings being cut off
Why did I set my goal as that?
Making my distance further away from you

How much I reach out my hands to you
Nearly I touch your back
But I never did
So close in having that touch

But that chance is gone
Leaving a mark of scar on me
Taking all the strength to hold myself down
Stopping myself from reaching out to you

Kisses

I always wonder what a kiss would feel like. Many people told me that it gives those Goosebumps and leaving a nice impression of sweetness on their lips. Even long after the kiss, they won’t forget the sweet taste of it. But sometimes kisses can be different; some people experience far well kisses. Those kisses leave a scare of sadness behind. Knowing that they can’t be with the one they love, forcing oneself to say goodbye to the other, but the main history still lay in myself, what would I feel being kissed? Maybe I did have the answer, but I am still confuse about it.

Love Drug

I thought that everything was normal and things go normally as they should. But recently, the chances of falling have become a fear to me. As time passes by, it seems that I am slowly falling in love again. I guess I will always have this drug of love flowing me everywhere. What a life..ahahaha…

Fear

Imagine the world you once knew is crumbling down into pieces. The sight of everything crashing down on you, the walls you build in order to save yourself from dissolving into darkness crumble right in front of your eyes. Once she was being betrayed, her world became different. She started to avoid eye contacts, she hates when people assume they knew her. And everything she once loved, disappeared. Long ago, in her past she remembered that scene. It haunts her till this very day, the fear of being alone again. In the past, she thought her friends were true. Laughing and sharing problems, well that’s what basically everyone does. But all because a stupid jealousy, it causes her to realize that the world she lived in is just a fantasy. All because she talks to a guy, her friend ruined her life. The whole class went against her; she tried so hard to make it right, soon the teachers also started to accuse her. What happen? She thought so many times. I never did anything wrong, why am I being punish like that? After that she confined herself into a world of darkness, creating another alter ego to pay the price of being alone. That other rise up, seeking revenge and blood, each day she grew stronger and named herself Raven. Raven cold dark eyes freezes people, her cold black heart hatred make people walked away from her. Soon she was lonely, with no one to depend on. Years went by, alone in the world of hatred. She never bowed her head to anyone, she never cries for or in front of anyone. She held her head high; making sure no one will step on her again. As Raven freely walks, she hides herself building her world of fantasy. The walls as high as she can imagine, as thick as she wants, she create her defense in order to protect herself. But than once again, she is now feeling this fear. Feeling that her world will crumble down, Raven shouted to her to change. But her fear covers her ears and everything was ignored. How much she wishes for someone to understand this loneliness of hers, she wish that just one person would not leaved her behind like all those people did. In reality, everyone is selfish; they concern more about themselves than others. This fear will become reality, and she is now more afraid than ever, because she is scared of being alone in the world.

I know

I know that you are sad
I know that you are in pain
Those eyes you shown can’t lie
Yet you choose to walk alone
I know that you are strong
You take problems like nothing at all
But deep down inside
You are the same
Please let me hold your hand
Let me heal that heart of yours
I know you see me as a friend
But I promise I will never leave
And be by your side till the end.
Listening to them is never worth it
They talk and talk rubbish
They never know how one feel
Cause they are always selfish
I know you are strong
You take problems like nothing at all
But deep down inside
You are the same after all
Please let me hold your hand
Let me heal that heart of yours
My hands are reaching out
But I can’t seem to reach you
Seeing that wide back walk
I guess I am still seeing
The illusion part of you

What am I suppose to do?

What is a mistake to people? Is it just an accidental thing happen and you bow your head saying sorry than everything will be alright? I don’t know what is really happening to me, but I felt like everything I once know and love is going to go. My personality in loving and caring is fading soon. And here I am thinking when I made a mistake as I walk down the path of my life. Chances are that my studies sucks but I lied to be good, so dad won’t be mad? But every result I have in college changed! I GOT DEAN LIST! But who cares, everyone looks at the mistake someone did more than the good ones. So where is my mistake in this? Why do I have to mend their mistake so no one here will look stupid? Why do I have to feel this stressful feeling with a thousand swords of pressure pouring into me? I no longer know where my mistake lies or which it isn’t even my mistake. So tell me what am I suppose to do? Because so far I know I am reaching my limit in life, I don’t want to turn back into her.

Blood

How sweet is the smell
Of fresh blood
Feeling those warm blood
Flowing down my throat
Such a waste to let it flow away
But there is another scent
That catches my senses
Another victim I shall hunt
For I am a vampire
Who loves liar's blood…

The Evil One is Me

Sometimes I wonder when I will be having that happy ending that I’ve been dreaming about all my life. But yesterday as I sat there under the sunset light, I’ve became aware of something. Something inside of me was burning up; something was calling out to me. Screaming at me to let her out from those cages I’ve been locking all the emotion inside. She was screaming in me for years as I ignore her and let me be hurt and collecting all those emotion with her. My hands shake in fear, wondering was she evil or good, will she really help me or take me over completely. I unlock that door, she burst up in screams. I close my eye ready to get to be taken over completely. But nothing happen, in fact she lay her hands on me, calming me down. Her eyes were brighter, her smile shines, I swear I saw I beautiful white wings behind her. Now I finally realize, she was the owner of this body, and I was the one who took her everything away. I was the evil one who took away her happiness, as she was lock away by me.

My first Love

I remember your smile
As the first time I saw you
I remember your sweet advice
As I was sad and pain
You laid your hands around me
Telling me everything will be okay
You brighten my day
With joys and smiles you gave

Cute was the word I like to use
Your smile and your face
Letters was exchanged
In every recess period are gave

Each letter shall caring on
Each word shall stay
In my heart
I lay down myself to you
I shall never be true
I will say
You are my love

Chances of us being together
Was nothing larger than a finger
We share our joy
And tears of love
As we left each others hands
We hang on hoping
That one day we shall meet
But years pass as we change

Cute was the word I like to use
Your smile and your face
I can never forget
In everyday I live

Each letter shall caring on
Each word shall stay
In my heart
I lay down myself to you
I shall never be true
I will say
You are my love

Raining days has pass
The sun has finally shine
I saw you standing there
Waiting for her to hold your hands

Each letter shall caring on
In my heart I carve you words
I lay down myself
I shall never be true
I finally can say
You are my first love
And I’ll never forget you.

i miss you

The cold winter night
Cover my sight
I stare out that window
Hoping to chase a glimpse of your shadow
Each day I look through your diary
Hoping there was me in it
Hoping that you could see me
But the longer I wait
The harder it was to forget
Those memories where I stood by you
How many times I silently scream at you
How many times I held your hand
But you never look my way
You turn around
And never look back
So close was I
Catching up to that shadow
So close was I
In holding that hand
So close was I
In filling my emptiness with yours
But still you never turn around and look at me
How much I miss talking to you
How much I miss seeing you smile
But those hands of yours held hers perfectly
Deep in my heart
I wish for your happiness
But at the same time I curse myself
Falling in love you deeply
I miss you

Dragon

At the core of earth
Where no human could go
He lay there guarding the gates
Those are unknown
His dark red armor covers his body
His throat burst out flame
When he is angry
No mercy is shown
To those who trespass his territory
His roar shook the earth
Causing fear and terror
Yet his hearts is tender
With kindness and love
He lay there guarding his fire
Waiting for the day
When his rider would come
Lonely and sad he stayed there
Roaring every year
Wishing his rider would finally hear.

One Day Human

“Hey listen, there it goes again.” A young girl in her uniform whispers to her friend.

“Yea…I heard the seniors say that this room is haunted by a ghost girl who love to sing. Even the teachers never dare to come into this room to take the art stuff.” Her friend replied her, both of them shiver quickly turn around and back to class. Little they know in that room is not stayed by a ghost but a young girl with big dreams. Suzy is an orphanage, she lost her mother in a car accident and her father walked away from home without turning back. Every time students in school see her, they either hit her or bully her. She was always running around school trying to avoid everyone, that was when she found this room to hide herself. To her that room was magical, it gave her the power to sing, ever since she steps into school, the music of choir caught her attention, since then she was drawn towards music. She tried singing in her house but the house owner always scream for her to shut up. In that room she sang, no one knew who she was.

“Oh My God! Richard is coming here!!” the girls scream, a celebrity decided to study in this private school for a while, the girls scream chasing him every where. Teachers tried their best to block the girls while he ran for his life.

“There is an empty art room, but it is haunted. If you don mind you can hide there, no one ever dare to go there alone.” Richard took his leave to the art room. That part of the building was deserted; it was almost like no one ever dares to step into that floor. He took his steps slowly towards the art room; Suzy sang her usual songs without any thought that people would be coming. Richard was so drawn into her voice, suddenly he don’t feel scare anymore. [Such angelic voice, who would think this, is a ghost voice.] He steps in as quiet as possible but Suzy ears are as sharp as a fox. She stops singing quickly hiding herself into the shadows.

“Please don’t stop singing.” Richard plead, “I really love your voice, are you really a ghost?” Suzy never talked to anyone before, this is her first. She was scared and didn’t know what to do. [Who is he? Why is he here?] Questions kept on popping out from her mind. “Please, even if you are a ghost, can u continue to sing?” Suzy just continued to sing as he asked to, her eyes kept on him in case he tries to find her. Richard sat there eyes close listening to the angel voice of his dreams. Time passes both of them enjoyed each other company, Suzy smile wider each moment.

“Hey,” Suzy shut her mouth right away. “I know you are not a ghost, I will leave my card here, come and find me,” with just a card he walked out from the door. Suzy waited for his shadow to go and his footsteps no longer could be heard, she jumped on the table looking into the card. [He is a Singer!] Her eyes widen, she was please that someone wanted to hear her sings. She look at herself, fur cover her body, hands that actually paws. [How can I? I am just a cat…] She lay beside the card, looking into it.

“Please,” she pleads, “Please, just one day let me sing in front of him as a human.” She pleads so hard, her tears fall onto the card, and slowly she falls asleep. The morning sun shines into the room the next morning trough the broken window. Suzy yawn, but she felt something different in this morning. Her body was shivering cold, and the table became smaller for her. She looked around, noticing her fur was gone and her body was cover in skin. Her paws are hands and legs, she gasped and real voice came out from her throat.

“Thank you! Oh thank you!” she started to cry. Behind the art room was a box of clothing for the drama club, choosing the clothing of a white nice gown. She dash out from the room into the street, student stare at her as she ran by their classes, whispers went trough the whole school teachers was stun, no one know where she came from. She ran down town as fast she could to the address in the card. People was lining up, it seem there was an audition to find a partner for Richard. She registers her name, waited for her turn. One by one people walked out from the door, either crying or just disappointed.

“I never seen Richard this serious…” one of the girls came out saying. Suzy was so nervous; her stomach felt like there was a knot tying her.

“Next!” the person called. Suzy stood up walking awkwardly into the room. All eyes were on her, at that moment she felt like dashing out from the room. But she kept her feet there in the middle of the room. The judges whispers at her clothing and messy hair, they signal for to start. Suzy took one deep breath holding her head high up, she sang the song of a lullaby her mother used to sing to her. The judges were shock by her voice, Richard at the side there stood up immediately. [That voice! I know she is real!] He clap his hands she sang finish so did the judges. All smiles were on their face, Suzy bowed down thanking them, and she rushes out from the room before they could say anything. Something was changing in her, she pass by the mirror of the hallway, her cat ears was up. [Oh NO!] She screams in her mind. Slowly she turns back into a cat, Richard chase after her, but found her clothing lying at the hallway.

“Suzy, where are you?!” he kept on calling out for her. Suzy hide in the corner, how much she wants to tell him she is there. “Suzy!” he kept on calling. She couldn’t stand it anymore; she took up all her courage and step out from the shadow.

“Meow~” she called to him. He looked at her thinking he must be crazy. Knowing that he wouldn’t believe it, she walked into the dress taking the card out showing him and looking to the door.

“You know where she is?” he asked, disbelieving that a cat can tell him the way. Suzy nodded her head and ran out. He chase after her to the school, “Here…the school…of course!” he walked with her to the room. “Suzy?” he asked. Suzy jumped on the table looking at him right into his eyes. “She is here right?” he asked.

“She is…” Suzy replied in words. “I am Suzy, I know I am a cat and I can’t talk, but this room gave me the power to talk.” Richard eyes show he shock, Suzy knew there was only one way for her to prove, she sang the same lullaby.

“You are Suzy…I know that voice anywhere.” Suzy sat licking herself. Richard just sat there staring at her.

“I am sorry,” she started to walk out, she stop at the door looking back at him. “I am sorry I can’t sing for you anymore. I really enjoyed singing…” she ran away from him, she tries to fight back her tears. Again he chases after her, he wants to keep her, and he wants her to be with him. Suzy kept on running, her tears covers her eyes; she couldn’t see the road properly. A car screeches, and bangs her into midair.

“NO!!” Richard screams. That was the last thing she heard him say, she looked into the sky and smile.

"Thank you, for letting me be a human for a day. Thank you for letting me sing once again." slowly darkness covers her eyes, as screams and shouting echo through the darkness.

Rain

Grey dark clouds cover the skies, slowly rain drops falls. A cold breeze sweeps the earth, chasing that hot air up into the sky.

Another morning that is cold and comfortable to sleep in. So why am I awake in such early morning? Well… I guess the rain remind me of something in the past. When it always rain, my heart becomes heavy thinking back that all those memories again. The rain had lived with me for many years; I used to remember that every time I was sad and disappointed, I wish for the sky to rain. As it rain, pouring heavily down into the earth surface, I step out from the house, letting myself soak in sadness and rain. Washing all the sadness away from my body, cleaning those darkness I hate in me. but everything it rains, it remind me of those sad days, but also remind me that the rain will always be there to wash my tears away.

Money

How can a king be so rich, while the bagger is so poor? Aren’t we all called human being, den why are people separated into ranks of life? Long ago, before money or gold was found and invented, every human being was the same. There are no ranks or status, yet everyone uses a simple concept to survive, TRADING. When money was introduce, human started to be greedy, everyone wanted to be rich, while those who succeed not only lie in their castle and enjoy, they started to collect from the poor as taxes of land. Greed brought them to lands far away from theirs; stealing and killing what was once reach to the earth surface.
Red Indians was chase out from their land, bring brought to slavery, and even some was rape in other to please the men. Women ranks are lower than men, and causes men to have pride and egos. But even though that time was gone, the present still remains the same. And the conditions are getting worst every time.
“I rather rule the world and destroy it, than seeing it destroy slowly.” Once my friend said this sentence, and I agree with it. I would destroy money and status in order to bring the human ranks that were set long time ago, back to the days where man kind was made as equal.

My Dance

Opening the closet, thinking what should I wear for an outing? Looking through the clothing I have in there, a blue color dress caught my eye. When did I buy this dress? I wonder. I took it out as its long dress touch the floor; I guess this was once belonging to my mother. Knowing my mother won’t be home for a while, I put it on. Such a fine dress why did she put it away like that? Well, I guess I still got time before I am going out. Hmmm... A fine music shall suit it at the same time. Searching the old classical music my dad collects; I played under surrounding stereo in the house. Ah…memories of dances I learn in the pass, step by step I retrace those dance move I’ve learn. Wow, it really brings back memories of those graceful moments in the stage dancing like a princess. I wish to relive those moment on the stage performing, well I guess I stop dancing for a reason. Time to move on, hip hop will be my style!!

20 years old

Do you remember the time when you think everything you done was right? Even when your parents was at the top furious mood and you still rebel and think everything will be just fine? I guess I’ve been through tat stage of life and now changing my point of view in everything. I remember being called the wise one among my friends, cause the years of experience in arguments, love and even fights among siblings and thought me everything I need to know about life. Okay, basically not everything, but I can say most of the things. Seeing people character and personalities, using the right way to gain their attention and stuff, all this had gave me the wisdom beyond my age. But was I notice now is that I was lonely in those years. My parents had this kind of personalities, that when ever my friends come over my house, they don’t seem to be comfortable, seeing their reaction around my friend (especially guys), it make me feel like they weren’t welcome to the house. Another reason for me to not bring my friends home (although my brother doesn’t care). Beside that, outing with friends, I can never attend any gathering or outing. I only can go if my parents followed, come on! I am already in high school at that time! I am old enough to walk alone, yet they never gave a chance. This causes me to lose so many friends, outing they never called me, anything that was going on they never count me in ever again. That loneliness I felt really get’s on my nerves.
But all this time, I never sit down and think what their reason in doing so; all I did was blame them for my loneliness in the world. I believed that no one cared for me, I uses acting to blend into society. But as this year started and I turned 20, I sat down one night in the hall room, thinking about the pass. The foolishness in falling in love, the heart broken days, thinking how stupid I was thinking I couldn’t stand up at that time. The arguments with parents, causing tears and heart ache among the family, the acting smile with friends and parents. I think and think, at that moment I realized; I was just a kid with no brains. I thought I had the wisdom in peace and always hide my feelings away, but the more I think on that day I realized, by doing all those things I was hurting myself inside. Killing the emotions away, and living as an empty shell. After all that thinking, I finally open the cage full of emotion letting them surface up, teas of joys, sadness, anger and more falls from my eyes. How foolish I was locking away all this emotion, but turning 20 thought me many stuff, for now I learn to be matured and also to accept the wrong and right about myself.
Cheers to myself, in new life!

Duty First

There are things I wish I never did, yet every time I wish I never done it repeat again. This heart I am feeling at the moment doesn’t wish to be feeling this way; many times I block this emotion from surfacing. Many times I killed that part of myself, but what can I do? I just hate it when I see it. Seeing them happy together I sit there like a fool having this feeling, but work is work. I got to change what I feel and just be normal like nothing happen, although it hurts like hell. But recently I am losing the confidence I had; controlling these emotions is getting harder and harder. I am so close in reaching that hand but I feel I am so far from it. Wish to chase that shadow and never leave it side, but I got to control it. I can’t show this weak side of me. My duty is more important den this feeling, and tat will be my conclusion. WORK first b4 my feeling.