The right choice

Long ago there wasn't much to offer in this world...but as I sat here in the train taking me to a far away place I wonder wat I did was wrong or right? As the train keep on moving and each stop it stop I held my breath...will this be the stop I go off and will never regret?

The never ending road..

This few weeks I've been madly in love. It's been a long time since I last fall in love with someone. I was praying and hoping that he will be the one to make me happy this time. But as dreams can never come true, and this time i fall again real hard. I was putting my hopes high, so high that I know i would fall anytime, and I know once i fall i wouldn't get back right up. Despite knowing all this I put my hopes high. I was in the bliss of fantasy in my own world, that i forgotten how cruel reality it could be. Not until recently i found out that I really cannot be the one for him, and I knew it a long time ago. Basically, I face reality like it was nothing at all. But for the me inside cried so hard that I knew I could never be happy again. Looking at the friends I have, one by one their loves one stood at their door waiting for them, but for me is like I got to wait for eternity for it. I hide my tears and emotion again behind the mask, hiding the pain and feeling cramping into a ball. Sometimes i wonder where in my life I ever did something wrong to deserve this?? Do i really not deserve love at all?? Yes I admit that i did tell lies and I know I did a few wrong things in the past, but is this punishment really what i deserve? I wasn't only dump by my friends cause they found someone tell love, even now you couldn't give me a single person i would like to trust myself to? Church is a place I feel welcome and part of it, but there ain't anything i could give. Every week I as I hear people's testimonial, do you know how sick heart I am seeing them successful in life while I am stuck with a group and college people who doesn't want to do stuff? I gave my life up so many times,taking away all the sorrow and pain, yet this is what i deserve. Well...maybe this is really what I deserve than. Taking in every single pain I could bare till the day I will burst into nothingness, except the shell remains. I have always been envying people's life, i tried to make that step of faith and step into that zone but it seem that I could never be the one. Parents are not proud of me for I fail in my piano they put so much hope on. I lost trust in friends, for the experiences of being used. I shade so many tears, but none had seen my real tears fall from real pain. What else is there for me to head God? Have I done things i never could be forgiven for?? This never ending road will last forever, till the day i can't stand it and die.