just yesterday, i thought that in this world i no longer have anything to hold on. i slept with the thought of being just alone in the darkness of hell. yet the idea of commit suicide appear in my mind in the edge of darkness... i thought "If i couldn't face this world becuz i let my parents down, why am i leaving in this world? why am i a mistake, a sore loser to my parents, why am i staying alive in this world. may as while i be dead and let them have a proud life praising my brother." with that thought stuck in my mind, i went against my parents words and attend church with the thought saying this will be the last time i m here, i will enjoy it with all my might and ask for forgiveness as i was going to end my life. i went breakfast with a long face only able to smile a little and not that much. yet i step into the house of God, i felt that i couldn't look up to him at all... i felt embarrassed, i felt so small. with everyone life going on as they predicted and expected, i sat there thinking what the hell am i doing here. yet Ps. Andrew change my life when he ask for the holy spirit to attend the wounded and the lost. in the few years, when ever i attend this type of things in church i will either pray or just thinking this is just a fake. but 2day as he talked in front praying for the Holy Spirit yo rise and help us, i cried. I cried for the 1st time in my life where there is so many people around me. i kept on crying and crying, i just couldn't stop. although He never talk to me but i felt Him telling me that tis wounds i have cant be taken away. He cant perform a miracle in this wounds, for this wounds make me stronger and wiser each day in my life. it gave me hope, telling me He will always stay by my side, even at the moment i forgotten him. i kept on crying as i knew that everything I've kept all along hte years has finally burst out into this tears. His soft hands touches my head, as he lay in his the other hand into my heart. He took away all the thoughts of dying and pain. and here i m, i found a new hope to hold on. no matter how hard my parents are treating me, no matter how bad their words can be. there is something that i am holding on too, something that will help me whenever i cry. that is His hands, His touch that i can never forget.